Love, Listen, Repeat
Influencer: Carri Lager Ph.D.
Strong relationships aren’t built on perfection, but rather on connection, and connection starts with how we communicate. As a psychologist, I often tell my clients that most relationship problems don’t come from a lack of love, but from feeling misunderstood.
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Healthy communication starts with actively listening to our partners. That means putting down the phone, making eye contact, and trying to understand your partner instead of planning how you will respond to them. Sometimes a simple, “That sounds really hard,” can make all the difference. It also helps to use “I” statements like, “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend time together,” which feels much safer than, “You never make time for me.” When people don’t feel blamed, they’re more open to listening and having a conversation.
It can be common for emotions to run high in intimate relationships occasionally. If a conversation starts to get heated, it’s okay to take a short break to deescalate by focusing on some relaxation strategies (deep breathing or positive visualization). Stepping away to calm down
isn’t avoiding the issue—it’s protecting the relationship. Just remember to revisit the issues once both partners
have found more emotional balance. Clear, respectful communication is much easier when everyone feels grounded.
Don’t underestimate the power of expressing appreciation within a relationship. Noticing the little things (a kind text or a thoughtful gesture) helps partners feel valued. Be mindful of what us psychologists call “the magic ratio:” for every one negative interaction, there need to be at least five positive ones to maintain balance and happiness with your partner. Most importantly, remember that communication is a skill that we can all improve. What matters is showing up with honesty, kindness, and a willingness to grow together. Healthy communication isn’t about always saying the perfect thing—it’s about creating a space where both people feel safe, heard, and loved. When that happens, relationships thrive.
